he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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