New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My balls are so social today.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
