You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
