our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize