I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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