You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
