Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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