Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
