3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
