every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
