its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize