I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Randomize
