so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Randomize
