Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Randomize
