the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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