My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Life is so much better after having sex.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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