Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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