no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
