So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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