I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
