C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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