I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
