Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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