I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
