Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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