what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
