I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
