It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
