I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
