Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
