can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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