Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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