whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
