Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
