You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
