Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
