mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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