I think I died a long time ago.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
