Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
