So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize