im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
