The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
