this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize