Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
