we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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