im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
