moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
