All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
