I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
