Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
