It's Friday. Sex?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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