We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
