I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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