I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
