He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
