she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize