You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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