You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
