giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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