He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
