it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
