Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
