I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Randomize
