so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
