quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
