I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
