K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
