I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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