now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
lol hangovers are for mortals.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
