Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
