So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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