My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
